50before50: #50 make/craft something special for each of the family (Bessie)

When I settled on this item, I envisioned carefully and lovingly crafting something tailored to the recipient – perhaps something knitted with cables or lace? perhaps I’d sew a complicated garment?

As has been the case with these things, time was getting away and I was kind of agonising (who me?) about my progress. While in the process of agonising I realised I’d pretty much covered off Bessie’s something special without intending to.

The windows in Bessie’s room go from the floor to a little above waist height, maybe chest height, so there’s a vast expanse of wall doing not a lot. Bessie loves art and has collection of artwork – lovely prints, embroideries and such. These were previously balanced on a pine plank which was balanced on the top of the vertical blind brackets.

There was a horrible patch of ectoplasm on the right which would sort of ooze when it rained. I picked at it one day and a whole bunch of damp spakfilla fell out, revealing the bricks below. We kind of liked the effect and left them untouched. I’d really love to strip back to the bricks entirely but the rest has been cement-rendered and I’m concerned the whole front wall would fall into the street if we attempted to remove it.

I’d been wanting to do something about the wall for some time, so while Don was clambering about the scaffolding in the rain, I was ensconced in Bessie’s room watching fixer upper episodes.

A bit of glossy paint, another length of wood from the garage, a couple of brackets, some white sugru, curtain rail from ikea, curtains from k-mart and for <$100 we have a brand new, much better space.

Four something specials to go!

distracted

Things I’ve (repeatedly) forgotten to take to work when cycle commuting:

➕ bra (thank TheUniverse for the sports bra!)
➕ underwear (fortunately I wear undies under my bike tights!)
➕ SML access pass
➕ headphones
➕ suit jacket/blazer (it’s cold in the office + winter – fortunately I keep a spare jacket on my chair)

Today I forgot my cycling gloves. I wear them all the time, but only realised halfway way home that I didn’t have them – which means I rode in completely unaware that I wasn’t wearing them.

Don keeps telling me I need a checklist. I think perhaps I need just a little more focus!

one more day to go

It’s late, I’m tired.

I’ll leave you with this article: how instagram made all places any place**.

Well worth a read.
xxx

** via David Lebovitz’s newsletter – full of all sorts of good stuff – you should subscribe!

I love a good newsletter (especially those almost like an old skool blog), I’m a big fan of Shauna’s for example. Recommendations for others are very welcome.

be your own psychoanalyst!

Saturday morning’s run was down to the Cook’s River. It is such a pretty spot and has great paths for cycling, running and walking!

It’s totally get-to-able from ThePalace(OfLove) and yet I’ve avoided running there for a couple of reasons, reasons which I’ve only just now attempted to unpack:

➕ Reason 1 – because my running fitness isn’t what it was and I had this ridiculous idea that it wasn’t worth going anywhere unless I was running the whole time. Solution: don’t be an idiot and do walk/run intervals instead.

➕ Reason 2 – ridiculous subconscious notion that I should forego lengthy solo adventures and spend most of my Saturday mornings on household chores – how I arrived at this is beyond my comprehension. Solution: don’t be an idiot – chores can be done most any time.

➕ Reason 3 – ridiculous subconscious notion that I should forego lengthy solo adventures on Saturday mornings in case the children should need me. Yes, these would be the children who are now 29, 23 and 21. Solution: don’t be an idiot – the children are adults.

➕ Reason 4 – ridiculous subconscious notion that I shouldn’t do anything new or interesting without Don along. While it is true that adventures with Don are the very best kind, I shouldn’t limit myself just because he isn’t with me. Solution: don’t be an idiot – do things on your own (this will likely be the hardest to overcome, I’m a big fan of company).

And these photos show the sort of thing I miss out on if I continue to hold onto those ridiculous beliefs. Fortunately I feel like much of this can be resolved by not being an idiot.

pictures of suburbia

Gorgeous morning for a walk/run yesterday. I challenged myself to a new route – well not entirely new – we’ve cycled that part of the greenway before, but first time I’ve run there.

My beautiful new app is completely terrible to run with – must be in the foreground, which is a little problematic for music, photos, sleep mode. I quickly gave up and just freestyled. I didn’t use the garmin or a tracking app, but I’d say maybe 10-11km in total. There was probably a fair bit more walking than running – I’m afraid that this is what I’ve now become! But hey at least I’m getting out.

All was wonderful until about 1km from home when I encountered a partially closed footpath and a dickhead in a high-viz vest controlling access. Complicated and boring story, but upshot was me wanting to move to a safe spot to cross the very busy major road (nowhere near the footpath works) and high-viz dickhead not allowing me to – by physically intimidating and then insulting me. And me an old lady – an old lady who used extremely unladylike language to tell him just what I thought of him.

Humanity – argh! I need some loving kindess meditation – stat!

Anyway on with the first of the pix. Look at that sky! Just wonderful!

one foot in front of the other


today’s sunset

I ran (more on that tomorrow), I made cookies and though I didn’t eat all of them, I made a bit of a dent. We grocery shopped, we made bangers and mash, we watched Snowden. I’m still feeling a little fragile, so will take it easy on myself for not doing more (I couldn’t even tell you where the rest of my time went).

Tomorrow we’re going to try to catch an early morning bike ride – lurid socks ahoy.

and find a soothing book

Well that was a week! 

I’m mentally and physically quite drained – way too drained to even think about potential weekend plans. Maybe a run in morning, maybe bake chocolate-chip cookies and stuff my face with them – possibly both.

I’ve scheduled that chat with Bobs for Monday. I need to go in with a very clear idea of what I want from it (mostly less dickheadedness, clear role definition).

kind of spent

You know those days when you cry at work? Yeah one of those today.

I don’t think I’ve actually been as close to resigning for a very long time. Nothing specific, but the accumulation of a whole lot of stuff. 

I’m under an incredible amount of pressure for the success of a lot of things – and the list of these things keeps expanding seemingly hourly. These are surprise things that are only tangentially within the scope of my role. Every time I turn around there is something else being dumped in my lap – fairly big scary projects with lots of moving parts (not a problem in and of themselves, I like a challenge) – which have people who are allegedly already responsible for them (which is a problem – because do something about those people if they are not delivering!). “It’s your job to make this work carolbaby”. 

What doesn’t help my psyche is Bobs frequent dismissal of me in public forums when it comes to certain topics – primarily technically related. When I state “this is how x works” or “this is what we are trying to achieve with y” Bobs will respond with “that’s your opinion carolbaby, what do you think, [other person]?” To which they respond that I’m right. Or I’ll assert something, he’ll contradict me, ask someone else and that someone else will agree I’m right. He does not do this with anyone else. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean it maliciously, but it is completely exhausting and demoralising.

In the last couple of days I’ve been excluded from project emails by EnemyConsultingFirm (formerly referred to as Toddler Consultants**). Colleagues will copy me into a chain and I’ll miraculously fall off EnemyConsultingFirm’s response. Repeat. Everyone has noticed and has separately drawn my attention to it (I would be none the wiser if they hadn’t). Bobs thinks it is my imagination, that I’m being hysterical and that “not everything is about me” – ouch.  He’s incredibly dense at times. 

I don’t think Bobs actually believes I’m useless or stupid. Most people in the organisation would say I’m his right hand. But his has all become really too much – so I yelled at him today, cried and then told him roughly what my issues were. He agreed to sit down and discuss the scope of my role tomorrow. Either rein it in or give me more cash and resources. 

xxx

** back for a small gig. Like vampires – once you invite them in, they’re back when you least expect it to suck the life out of you. This is the small firm who fought so hard to prevent me getting my current role, because they wanted the lucrative contract to do it – and used every opportunity to question my skills/abilities/competence (behind my back to senior management of course) and were absolutely ruthless about it. This is not the Actual Toddler from that engagement (thankfully returned to the UK) but his boss.

max cray

I really need a day off – SML is particularly nutty right now – heightened sense of crazy all-round.

Being in one of those bring-everyone-together type roles, I’m the receptacle of much whinging and venting, because so many people are so prickly and difficult.

Being in a decision-maker role means I’ve had to deal with particularly insane people who, for example, want to pick fights and send lengthy emails about whether we include a “-” in a code, even after the rationale has been well explained to them by other qualified people (dude, this has no impact on you and your bizarre quest to retain the “-” only serves to make you look like a mental-case).

This is definitely a good time to bust out a meditation/mindfulness app! And to book that leave day.