I could eke this out into a bunch of separate posts, but I’m going with the TL;DR approach!
Over the past couple of weeks I’ve let a few of my most important good habits slip and am feeling the consequences of it. Definitely less showing up here for one!
I haven’t posted about this, but over the past year(ish) I’ve been struggling quite a lot in dealing with a particularly difficult colleague. Noxy reports to me on ProjectSulfur, but we’ve been peers and very friendly for many years, and I’ve been a strong advocate and ally for them in many workly situations.
On the surface Noxy is charming, charismatic and caustically funny, but after working really closely together it’s become apparent that deep-down Noxy is massively toxic**, attention-seeking, narcissistic, negative and kind of, well, aggressively terrible at their job. And mean, so very mean – that kind of revolting meanness in the form of “funny” comments about people to their faces.
The rest of the team are young, positive, enthusiastic and highly capable – but attitudes are contagious and it takes a lot of work not to let Noxy bring everyone down to the Noxy level. I’m countering with loads of good vibes and energy and quiet encouraging words here and there – and keeping it contained.
It’s all caused me to do a huge amount of soul-searching. Noxy and I were once very tight – was I such a terrible and mean person? Trusted sources say we diverged paths years ago – but ugh. I’m confident this unpleasantness has nothing to do with reporting lines, the same trusted sources have said it has all been there for a long time, I’ve just chosen not to see it.
Fortunately I’ve got support from leadership, and just need to get through the next few months until we deliver the thing when Noxy will no longer be my problem. But it has all been very wearing.
Which is why it is all the more important to maintain those good habits! In the past couple of weeks the whole thing has been really getting me down and impacting my relationships with everyone else. On Thursday I started back running (very badly – fitness is shot) combined with a short spin on the exercise bike and it’s already been pretty helpful.
A few weeks ago, I took a leap into the unknown – and signed up to an online course offered by one of my favourite podcasters. It’s all about getting more in touch with yourself and similar glorious DFH^^ stuff.
There’s a strong emphasis on journalling, examining all manner of things, jettisoning stuff that isn’t serving you, getting more in touch with your body and your intuition. It does totally verge into the woo – but I’m very much enjoying it.
And the self-reflection that all those things bring is incredibly helpful and just what I need right now. I really want to move into the post-sulfur world with some intention, rather than just drifting into yet another role. This is really helping me zoom in on what I want and what I don’t.
We’re hearing that it’s unlikely there will be any overseas travel permitted until mid-2021. So the two other trips we’d booked this year won’t be happening (no refunds yet as not “official”).
Ah well, it is what it is. Hopefully we’ll be able to make the trips at the end of 2021 or some time in 2022. Maybe some domestic trips in the interim? Who knows.
One day we may be able to actually see Joan in person again!
** this is where Joan reminds me that she was an extremely early adopter of this view.
^^ dirty hippy