250/2020

Spring isn’t messing about this year – boom! Blossom, new growth and of course pollen and moulted cat hair everywhere.

And itching, so much itching, puffy eyes and face, and more itching. I stole some of Don’s antihistamines this morning. It’s helping a little.

Interesting how you can develop these intolerances in middle-age – or maybe it’s no longer spending my days in a sealed environmentally controlled box and being more exposed to fresh air?

xxx

Long time readers will be aware that the ThePalace(OfLove) has been leaking pretty much since we moved in – because this is possibly the dodgiest warehouse renovation in Sydney.

And just as one leak is expensively fixed, another issue will fill the gap [repeat, repeat, repeat]. Lately it it’s been the drain which runs inside the cupboard in Bessie’s old room. There’s a breach in the pipe (due to the dodgy installation) which has caused part of the cupboard floor to rot away, the paint to peel from the walls and a whole bunch of damage to the carpet. The drain pipe is also way too small for the purpose, so the gutter occasionally overflows causing water to pour through the ceiling.

It’s been getting worse lately, so we had our favourite plumbing co around to assess. This involved holes.

JuniorPlumber tried an interim fix (which worked – hurrah!), but had us believing we’d have to rebuild half ThePalace(OfLove) to properly remediate the issue. This caused us not a little anxiety.

BossPlumber came around the next day and was like – yeah nah, (still very expensive) X and Y should sort it. We had a builder mate of Don’s boss come out the next day to quote on the rebuild, he recommended we go with BossPlumber’s solution. Given Builder Mate was here anyway, we’re having him quote on some other work around the place.

We decided a while back that we would prioritise holidays over home improvements. But now that travel is off the table for possibly years and years, and we’re at home most of the time we’ve reassessed a bit. And it’s probably sensible to get the big ticket fixes done now rather than when we have no money in retirement.

We’ll be living in chaos for a bit, but hopefully will be able to hear rain at some point without it triggering panic.

xxx

I’ve written before of how I have this ridiculous predisposition to deprive myself of *things*, which is something I’d really like to work on.

But sometimes it is helpful to ban stuff. I completely stopped reading the news about three weeks ago and the impact on my stress levels and mental health generally has been pretty dramatic.

I now let other people be bringers of news to me, so when they say for example, “have you heard X?” rather than my former “Yes! And let me tell you additional information about X because I am so plugged in!”, I’m more “No! I haven’t! Tell me about it”, which lets both them and me feel good.

You should try it – even for a little bit.

xxx

In this same depriving myself of *stuff* vein, I banned myself from chocolate a couple of months ago because my clothes were becoming uncomfortably tight and I was feeling leaden and flat. Yes, banning food is indeed the antithesis of intuitive eating.

After sitting with the ban for a while, I realised the chocolate wasn’t the problem. My nightly habit of eating something for dessert when I wasn’t at all hungry was the problem. I stopped. It’s made a huge difference.

Next I’d like to get away from this mindset of using food as a reward/treat – it’s a hard day – have some biscuits! you’ve done a good/hard thing – have a cake! I mean these things don’t actually need “rewards”, do they? I may as well say: I’m alive – have a block of chocolate!

It sounds utterly loony, but I’m trying a short meditation as one alternative – quiet, calm time is pretty helpful. Some quiet time hand-sewing. Reading a couple of pages of a book. Sitting outside taking in the sky. I’m learning to make a proper cup of chai on the stove-top – delicious and calming.

If these things work as we ramp up to switching on Project Sulfur at the end of the month, they will work in all manner of other highly charged situations!

243/2020

Already?

I’m assuming it’s hazard reduction burning and that bush fires haven’t started already. But of course who knows in these crazy times?

Also a lesson that I should not walk outdoors without a mask on smoky days. Blergh, I feel rather dreadful as a result.

How soon we forget!

xxx

I’m uncertain what The Universe is trying to tell me but today I found another phone on my morning walk. I also found a drivers licence.

The phone and the licence do not belong to the same person.

Must have been crazy-wild times in my suburb last night!

xxx

Sadly my DFH course wrapped up this week. Those 12 weeks passed incredibly quickly.

Naturally all this inner-work is a journey and whatevs, but it was a fantastic place to start. I loved it utterly.

At the very least it’s definitely gone a huge way toward curing my pretty toxic productivity addiction – totally worth the price for that alone.

xxx

I spent a good deal of time yesterday copying photos from my phone to computer. You’d think this would be simple, and indeed it used to be so, but lately iphones and windows do not play at all nicely together.

Here’s that periodic reminder to back up (all) your stuff, kids!

229/2020

I suspect I’ll look back from the future and wonder what I did in the last three weeks.

Not a lot, Future Self, not a lot.

xxx

We’re at the tricky part of ProjectSulfur where everyone is going bonkers and stress is high. Yes, it does indeed seem that we’re always in some tricky part of the project.

I’m the only female in the project leadership team, the others are old white dudes, mediocre bossy old white dudes – who think they know it all and aren’t afraid to let you know it.

It’s super-exhausting. Sometimes I dream of a new glorious career that is not IT adjacent, but I fear this dominance of bossy know-it-all mediocre old white dudes is not at all limited to IT.

There’s quite likely no escape.

xxx

I took Wednesday off and suitably masked, went into the city for a bit of light shopping and a solo lunch. It was lovely, almost normal. It was nice to exchange idle chit chat with shop assistants. I felt relatively refreshed afterward.

I do need to find a re-useable mask which suits my rather large Western nose for such outings – so much squishing.

After 257 days I abandoned my clothes shopping ban and bought two pairs of pants, a dress and a hoodie. I’ve said it before, but I don’t know why I try to challenge myself to go without things I enjoy. Almost like I want to punish myself or that I think I am undeserving of nice things. Okay, it’s exactly like that.

I’m working on it. The DFH course (sadly only 2 weeks remaining) has been spectacular for getting this work started. The big challenge will be to keep it up after the course is over.

xxx

In surprising news, one of my stone pine seeds sprouted!

Amazing prehistoric type shape! Crazy to watch it unfurl!

No sign of movement on the dragon tree.

I took the maples from the fridge and shoved in seed raising mix yesterday. I’m not entirely confident with these – maybe the seeds sort of disintegrated, because I couldn’t really find any in the soil. Still, if anything sprouts it will be a delightful surprise!

xxx

Making fair progress on the cross stitch sampler for the team baby. I may have been slightly over-ambitious (who me?) picking this particular design.

At the moment I’m enjoying it, but I suspect the enjoyment will not last to completion. I’ve made a pact with myself that I’ll abandon if I start hating it and buy a gift instead!

Because I hadn’t quite appreciated how much my eyes have deteriorated with age, I treated myself to a magnifying light which is utterly amazing. It will make all manner of future projects so much easier.

xxx

After two years (plus a couple of short covid extensions), Joan’s time in the UK is almost at an end. In a couple of days she’s off to Switzerland to stay with her boyfriend Ovi for a bit.

I’ll be a little more comforted when she has safely arrived. I keep expecting another lockdown of borders and I’d hate for her to be stuck again.

No idea when we will see her in person – getting back into Australia is astoundingly expensive, if it can be done at all.

xxx

What are the odds of finding a phone in the street on your morning walk and when trying to locate the owner, discovering that your ex-husband (who lives about an hour away) is one of the contacts?

Quite a trippy experience.

xxx

I’ve successfully managed to avoid the relentless news fire-hose for a week now. My sleep is much improved as a consequence.

Even after a week I feel staggeringly ill-informed, but I wonder if that’s actually a bad thing.

Likewise probably not a bad thing to be staying away from the internet generally. It used to be such a great place, but now I think on balance, not-so-great and to be largely avoided for leisure.

xxx

I hope things are well with you.

208/2020

Oh yeah, I have a blog.

Random miscellany ahoy.

+++

We’ve just ticked over into 4 months of remote working. I feel like my body is moulding into the the shape of my chair, but otherwise I’m loving it.

Don is back in the office two days a week, which has been very weird to adjust to. No signs of us heading back in – the option is available on a quite restricted basis, but only 3 people in 100 have taken it up.

I’ve been driving a bunch of engagement stuff across SML on slack since we went remote, which has been pretty well received across SML – and recognised at Board level (*shocked face emoji*). People are connecting in ways they never did when we were office-bound, which is lovely. But holy!goodness! it’s really quite exhausting and takes a ton of mental energy and eats up non-work time. This is likely why I’ve been absent here. Need to work out some balance.

+++

In other SML news, this week Vincenzo received a very well deserved promotion, which he’ll take up at the end of Project Sulfur. We’ve been working together for eight years since he was a fresh baby employee in his first office job. It’s been incredibly satisfying being involved in his development and I’m wildly excited for him. It will be fun to be peers.

+++

We’ll have our first team baby at the end of the year! Mildly terrifying because the employee in question is Joe/Frank’s age. I adore her and she is completely wonderful and way too much like I was at the same age (clever, capable, outspoken, bossy). And in an astoundingly progressive move from SML, we offered her a permanent role knowing she was pregnant. I’m determined that we will make her working mother experience the best we can.

I wanted to make something to celebrate it, so I ordered in supplies for a Harry Potter counted cross stitch sampler. I haven’t done counted cross stitch for maybe 25 years! While I’m never going to make anything cross-stitchy for myself, baby stuff is super-cute. I’ve gridded up the fabric and am waiting for thread conditioner to arrive before getting started. I recently used beeswax to coat my thread for stitching some felt coasters and now understand why everyone raves about it – tangles and pull-knots begone!

+++

Though I’ve started a dozens of sample chapters, I’ve only read two books in the last 4 months:

+ Jeff Noon: Falling Out of Cars . Very slow bedtime read at the beginning of iso – such a wild ride and utterly an appropriate book for that crazy time (discovered via the all my stars newsletter)
+ Leigh Stein: Self Care – described as a satirical novel about the wellness industry, which pretty much covers it.

Enjoyed both.

This is really unlike pre-covid-19 me who forever had a book in her hand or ears.

+++

Don has taken a wee trip up the coast to play golf for a week, holidays being out for me right now because I need to be around for Project Sulfur which rolls out early October. I will definitely be in need of a break after that!

We’re trying to embrace the idea of doing what we can, when we can – because who knows what tomorrow will bring?

194/2020

Minimalist weekly update.

Things are slowly opening back up here: Don’s now back in the office two days a week; I met with my team for a pub lunch on Friday to farewell a colleague; I caught the train for the first time in almost 4 months; Don and I have been out for a couple of casual meals and one very fancy dinner.

Compliance with health directives varies both from businesses and individuals and the sense is that all this freedom is not likely to last. Melbourne has seen a resurgence in coronavirus cases and is now back in lockdown for at least 6 weeks. Surely only a matter of time before we’re in the same situation.

+++

That lower back is still giving me some trouble, but is nowhere near as agonising as it was last week. It occurred to me yesterday that I should engage my abs when bending down so I don’t put so much pressure on my back. Why it has taken 30-or-so years to realise this is one of those mysterious mysteries.

+++

MY DFH course continues to be brilliant – and is definitely one of the better things I’ve done for myself. The most recent talk was on toxic productivity and inner critics – lots for me to unpack there!

187/2020

I’ve had quite a lot of lower back pain in the last week or so. I’ve also had a horribly itchy winter rash in the same location for a couple of months now.

The back pain is pretty clearly stress-related because that’s one of the areas I carry my stress (along with my right upper trapezius muscle), but combined with the rash it’s a whole other level of unpleasantness.

So, lots of stretching, heat packs, drugs and forcing self to sit properly in my future. But also lots of calm the hell down, lady.

If I was into the whole chakra thing, I would say that I should meditate while visualising the colour orange, surround myself with water, chant “vam”, eat oranges and get myself some amber or citrine. I am not really likely to do any of these things other than eating oranges.

But if it keeps up much longer, who knows?

179/2020

Miscellany ahoy!

I could eke this out into a bunch of separate posts, but I’m going with the TL;DR approach!

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve let a few of my most important good habits slip and am feeling the consequences of it. Definitely less showing up here for one!

+++

I haven’t posted about this, but over the past year(ish) I’ve been struggling quite a lot in dealing with a particularly difficult colleague. Noxy reports to me on ProjectSulfur, but we’ve been peers and very friendly for many years, and I’ve been a strong advocate and ally for them in many workly situations.

On the surface Noxy is charming, charismatic and caustically funny, but after working really closely together it’s become apparent that deep-down Noxy is massively toxic**, attention-seeking, narcissistic, negative and kind of, well, aggressively terrible at their job. And mean, so very mean – that kind of revolting meanness in the form of “funny” comments about people to their faces.

The rest of the team are young, positive, enthusiastic and highly capable – but attitudes are contagious and it takes a lot of work not to let Noxy bring everyone down to the Noxy level. I’m countering with loads of good vibes and energy and quiet encouraging words here and there – and keeping it contained.

It’s all caused me to do a huge amount of soul-searching. Noxy and I were once very tight – was I such a terrible and mean person? Trusted sources say we diverged paths years ago – but ugh. I’m confident this unpleasantness has nothing to do with reporting lines, the same trusted sources have said it has all been there for a long time, I’ve just chosen not to see it.

Fortunately I’ve got support from leadership, and just need to get through the next few months until we deliver the thing when Noxy will no longer be my problem. But it has all been very wearing.

Which is why it is all the more important to maintain those good habits! In the past couple of weeks the whole thing has been really getting me down and impacting my relationships with everyone else. On Thursday I started back running (very badly – fitness is shot) combined with a short spin on the exercise bike and it’s already been pretty helpful.

+++

A few weeks ago, I took a leap into the unknown – and signed up to an online course offered by one of my favourite podcasters. It’s all about getting more in touch with yourself and similar glorious DFH^^ stuff.

There’s a strong emphasis on journalling, examining all manner of things, jettisoning stuff that isn’t serving you, getting more in touch with your body and your intuition. It does totally verge into the woo – but I’m very much enjoying it.

And the self-reflection that all those things bring is incredibly helpful and just what I need right now. I really want to move into the post-sulfur world with some intention, rather than just drifting into yet another role. This is really helping me zoom in on what I want and what I don’t.

+++

We’re hearing that it’s unlikely there will be any overseas travel permitted until mid-2021. So the two other trips we’d booked this year won’t be happening (no refunds yet as not “official”).

Ah well, it is what it is. Hopefully we’ll be able to make the trips at the end of 2021 or some time in 2022. Maybe some domestic trips in the interim? Who knows.

One day we may be able to actually see Joan in person again!

+++

** this is where Joan reminds me that she was an extremely early adopter of this view.

^^ dirty hippy

170/2020

Some time ago, I forget when precisely – maybe 18 months, maybe 2 years – Don’s favourite pair of jeans started to show a bit of wear, so we decided to try an experiment to attempt to keep them alive and kicking (and wearable) for as long as possible.

Shockingly, these jeans were only a couple of years old at the point they started breaking down! This short podcast articles of interest: blue jeans is incredibly interesting listen on the history of jeans and denim – and how they are no longer quite what they were!

First up I patched the back pocket and re-stitched the pocket bags (the stitching on these was quite shoddy and his keys kept falling down his leg).

Then over the months as holes appeared, I progressively patched – until now almost the entire front has been reinforced.

But all that’s visible from the outside is a couple of stylish tears. I’m not really a fan of external patches, so my preferred method is big patches of quite sturdy denim on the inside with teensy hand stitches reinforcing the holes and the surrounds of the patch.

Of course what was once a lightweight pair of jeans now weighs rather a lot with all that reinforcing. Though Don claims they are still comfortable.

It will be interesting to see how much more life we can eke out of them, but I suspect the most recent patching will likely be the last.

169/2020 (no new clothes: day 200)

200 days! Woo!

Despite (or because of) the very changed circumstances and move to indoor lyf, I have continued to resist the siren song of new clothing.

Sure I could really do with a nice warm hoodie or toasty cardigan, but I think I’m happy to power through another 166 days!

I’ve you’ve been reading along you know, you’ll know I’ve filled some of the loungewear wardrobe void with a couple of garments I’ve made myself.

✚ I really love these bright red pants. The crotch is a wee bit too deep, but the red makes me so happy!

✚ I am not feeling these pastel stripey pants. They’re way too much like pyjamas for wearing in the day – there is apparently a line between lounge and pyjama that I am not keen to cross.

✚ I chopped about 15cm off the elastic of toile fro Don’s pants and ADORE them. I should probably make a pair for myself in something other than an old sheet.

In horrifying (at least to me) news, I think I could be tiring of lounge pants during the day and may move a rung up the discomfort ladder to jeans on some days.

168/2020

When we came to ThePalace(OfLove) from Glebe 8 years ago we brought this tiny self-seeded Moreton Bay fig with us in a pot.

That string of pearls plant is sadly long gone, but the tiny tree?


though it looks a little like i’m kneeling, i’m standing up

It’s still quite leggy and gangly, I’m hoping it will develop into something more bushy and attractive like it’s much smaller twin

Isn’t nature fascinating? Both baby trees were exactly the same size when we arrived. The only difference has been size of pots we’ve had them in over that time.