kind of spent

You know those days when you cry at work? Yeah one of those today.

I don’t think I’ve actually been as close to resigning for a very long time. Nothing specific, but the accumulation of a whole lot of stuff. 

I’m under an incredible amount of pressure for the success of a lot of things – and the list of these things keeps expanding seemingly hourly. These are surprise things that are only tangentially within the scope of my role. Every time I turn around there is something else being dumped in my lap – fairly big scary projects with lots of moving parts (not a problem in and of themselves, I like a challenge) – which have people who are allegedly already responsible for them (which is a problem – because do something about those people if they are not delivering!). “It’s your job to make this work carolbaby”. 

What doesn’t help my psyche is Bobs frequent dismissal of me in public forums when it comes to certain topics – primarily technically related. When I state “this is how x works” or “this is what we are trying to achieve with y” Bobs will respond with “that’s your opinion carolbaby, what do you think, [other person]?” To which they respond that I’m right. Or I’ll assert something, he’ll contradict me, ask someone else and that someone else will agree I’m right. He does not do this with anyone else. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean it maliciously, but it is completely exhausting and demoralising.

In the last couple of days I’ve been excluded from project emails by EnemyConsultingFirm (formerly referred to as Toddler Consultants**). Colleagues will copy me into a chain and I’ll miraculously fall off EnemyConsultingFirm’s response. Repeat. Everyone has noticed and has separately drawn my attention to it (I would be none the wiser if they hadn’t). Bobs thinks it is my imagination, that I’m being hysterical and that “not everything is about me” – ouch.  He’s incredibly dense at times. 

I don’t think Bobs actually believes I’m useless or stupid. Most people in the organisation would say I’m his right hand. But his has all become really too much – so I yelled at him today, cried and then told him roughly what my issues were. He agreed to sit down and discuss the scope of my role tomorrow. Either rein it in or give me more cash and resources. 


** back for a small gig. Like vampires – once you invite them in, they’re back when you least expect it to suck the life out of you. This is the small firm who fought so hard to prevent me getting my current role, because they wanted the lucrative contract to do it – and used every opportunity to question my skills/abilities/competence (behind my back to senior management of course) and were absolutely ruthless about it. This is not the Actual Toddler from that engagement (thankfully returned to the UK) but his boss.

0 thoughts on “kind of spent

  1. Wow. I’m not surprised things came to a head, but I reckon that now your concerns are out in the open, that things will start heading in the right direction for you. Don’t forget to keep looking after yourself so you can get through this in the best way for you. Get that meditation app on and keep on running! Good luck!

    • Bobs is definitely feeling sheepish and was being very considerate on Friday. I know he loves an argument and vigorous back and forth, and likely not being deliberately dickish – but it gets Very Intense after a while.

      We’ll see what eventuates on Monday.

  2. Aaack, your life is my like my work life only on a much larger scale (and I hardly do anything that can be called manageressing). We have had consultants in to out (tiny tiny) office, and while I initially was impressed with their ability to hopefully persuade my boss to revamp procedures, the only thing he seems to have taken away from the gig is that we all need to relentlessly market ourselves at every level (and since no procedures have changed fundamentally, we would be in no position to handle a flood of new business if it came in). I do not envy you AT ALL. If you are so inclined, I listened to a podcast this week (I think it is this one: ) where the guy talks about how bogus management consulting is and the reasons why firms might hire management consultants (hint: it’s not because they want things fixed). You would have way more insight into what the guys is saying than I would.
    Good luck getting back into the running, I am gingerly trying to do that myself after a nagging back injury 5 dating from c 5 years ago.

    • Katy! How on earth did this end up in my spam folder?! Damn you, wordpress!

      That podcast sounds right up my alley – will give it a listen. The amount we’ve spent on consultants in the last 18 months is absolutely eye-popping.

      Hope the running is going peachily, it’s definitely more challenging for me than it was a year or so ago – possibly not pushing myself because I’m afraid of another injury. Damn this old age thing!

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