After a quite mild spring so far, it’s been rather hot over the last couple of days.

When I ventured out to the wild west yesterday for that lunch with DishyExBoss it was around 37 degrees (ugh). Add to that a slow train home with no air-conditioning (and windows which barely opened) and I was super-excited to arrive home to a blissfully cool bedroom – thanks to the new air-conditioner! Because the weather has been very pleasant up to this point, it was really the first time we’d tried it out. WONDERFUL and worth every cent (and there were lots of cents involved).

Today was equally ghastly (30 degrees inside), but I was the only one at home and up and down the stairs quite a lot, so rather than keep the air-conditioner running I just shoved a few fans on and sucked it up. Joe/Frank arrived home mid afternoon after a hot day outdoors, took a shower and lazed about in his room with his new air-conditioner on, Don arrived home from golf shortly afterward and plonked himself down on the couch with a cooling beverage.

I was pottering about, as is my wont, when I heard a loud exclamation. I turned around and WATER WAS DRIPPING FROM ONE OF THE CEILING DOWNLIGHTS ONTO DON’S HEAD.

Much investigation and troubleshooting indicated that this dripping was triggered by Joe/Frank’s air-conditioner. He’d had it on most of yesterday afternoon and last night with no issues, so we have absolutely no idea why or how it started – nor can we actually see *where* it’s coming from because all the cables seem intact (and non-wet). But water does now drip quite a lot from that hole when his unit is turned on.

drippy light

leak points – was also running down that white cable

What the actual fuck?

I foresee more holes in our walls in the not-too-distant future.

Of course the upsides are: we were at home, we were not on holiday! Because wow – this could have been a whole lot worse!

While neglecting the blog, I’d largely kind of forgotten the 60before60 project. Oops. Only 3311 days to go according to my tracker.

I’ve not really progressed anything much and honestly, the list probably needs some refinement.

One thing I am actively doing is growing my hair after having it super-short for years. The beauty of this project is that it just kind of happens with little effort on my part.

About a month ago it had sort of reached my neck (though there are bits that are just at my ears). I was trying to do stuff with clips and tiny top knots to make it look half way respectable, but it had very little body and was kind of lifeless and flat – though fortunately shiny and in pretty good condition. So I decided there was nothing for it but to … get a perm!

I chose a Japanese salon (which was lovely and comforting and very similar to being back in one of my favourite places) and spent a lovely few hours being cossetted. Sadly, my hair is “difficult” and the perm didn’t quite turn out as expected. There’s very little curl at all BUT it did give me some bounce and fullness which I am pretty delighted with. I think I am going to have to go to a full-on Western salon and have them bust out the very harsh chemicals if I want any curls at all.

And yesterday I realised that I can finally put it up in a very tiny, somewhat messy ponytail! Progress!

captured today on the long (very hot) journey back from the not-boozy lunch

The other excellent thing is that for me, the longer hair is quite a lot less ageing than the very-short hair was becoming. While it was a look I could rock in my early-to-mid 40s, something about hitting the late 40s meant it just didn’t work anymore.

Whether I last through a very hot and humid summer without lopping it off remains to be seem!

halloween detritus on the morning run

Tomorrow I’m having a not-so-boozy lunch with DishyExBoss – the first time we’ve caught up in over two years!

I’m not entirely sure how a lunch which doesn’t involve alcohol will pan out. Especially given our wine-drenched luncheon epics of old – two bottles of wine each … sure!

As I approach the 2 year anniversary (two years!) of sobriety, this is quite possibly the last bastion of the many occasions where alcohol was formerly mandatory. Not wanting to be a buzzkill or harsh his mellow, I have assured him I’m very happy to watch him drink.

xxx

In daily October | November self-care stats …
Showing up here: woo hoo
Exercise: short run around the block
Creativity: nil (again!?)

I’ve spent most of the evening reading an appallingly written (and way way too lengthy) proposal for an SML project and have no more brain to give.

Fortunately the other three proposals appear to be shorter, realistic and rather more coherent. But that’s my task for tomorrow!

back lane on yesterday’s morning run

xxx

And in October | November self-care stats …
Showing up here: check (after a fashion)
Exercise: early morning yoga (hardest class)
Creativity: nil (hrmmm … sensing a pattern?)

So the trigger was pulled and I had the Difficult Conversation with the Difficult New Starter. As expected he wasn’t expecting it, but there is really no easy way to do these things and it went probably as well as such things can.

Afterward I had lunch with this former employee who let me know that he’d been on the receiving end of a similar Difficult Conversation at his new job yesterday.

I hope this is not contagious.

After work I bought myself a paris brest as a reward for being a Brave Manageress. Yes, I’m rewarding myself with food. Yes, this is probably the last thing I should do. I really should have bought clothing or jewellery or perhaps just given myself some positive words.

unfortunately not at all worth the calories – 2/5

xxx

And in October | November self-care stats …
Showing up here: check
Exercise: short run
Creativity: nil

Yesterday saw me hit the big 300 days (300!) of my chocolate ban.

This has been rather harder than expected – possibly on par with quitting drinking!

Sadly what it hasn’t done is to stop me mindlessly eating All The Snacks after dinner. I still have a less-than-optimal habit of binge eating treats when I’m not even hungry. Bed time? Must mindlessly stuff my face first – possibly with an entire tub of (not chocolate) ice-cream. At the moment I have this somewhat (kinda sorta) under control – after putting on about 5kg – but most evenings are a struggle.

I’m utterly hopeless at any sort of moderation, but I am pretty decent at deprivation, so possibly my 2020 push-myself challenge will be no post-dinner treats at all – just to kick things up a notch. Though I can see the work-arounds now: stuff face before dinner, for example.

Tomorrow will be stressful. I’m advising the new starter we’re ending his contract early. He won’t be expecting this. I feel quite horrible and wonder if I could have done more.

know how she feels

We’re nearly at November and I’m not entirely certain where this year has gone – or quite what I’ve been doing with my time when not daily posting. I wish I could say that I’d been occupied by wonderfully interesting things, have been terribly productive and living my life to the fullest, but yeah, no.

SML has been maddening, excellent and exhausting in pretty equal measures and consumes a lot of my brain-capacity. I have a great team**, am working with my very fave people from the business and recently received a good-sized bonus and decent above-cost-of-living pay increase. Hrmmm – writing that makes me wonder why don’t I focus on those very excellent areas rather than the miserable, infuriating bits? But there have been many infuriating bits – mostly external consultant related (managing non or substandard delivery, intervening when they frequently attempt to steer us down a less-than-optimal path). I’m noticing that the more senior I become the more sexism I face on the regular. I’m glad I’m old now and give no (well fewer) fucks, because this kind of stuff would have destroyed me a few years ago. Still, it does all become really (really!) wearing.

Unfortunately both instagram and news reading have slowly crept back into my life. I think I’m managing instagram a little better this go ’round – and am delighted have found a couple of my very excellent blog pals of old. I still occasionally experience the “wow, I suck” comparison thing, but I try to remember that these are more and more pretty heavily curated views of people’s lives. The news however is not at all good for my psyche – and comments sections – what the hell am I thinking? In addition to both of those there’s been a lot of mindless internet scrolling and very little engagement with anything much – which I think is a symptom of the kind of shiftless state of mind – or possibly the cause?

All this combines to make well – I wouldn’t call it depression, because oh boy have we been there before – more a sort of malaise, world-weariness, mental exhaustion, lacklustre-ness?

Don made a genius point during the week that we’ve both become too focussed on holidays alone to relax and unwind. It’s rather like we mark time until we have an (infrequent) holiday, enjoy it tremendously and then take ages to settle back in to reality. As an example, it took me many (many!) months to shake off the post-holiday gloom after our trip to Japan earlier in the year. We’re off to Thailand in a couple of weeks which will be really wonderful, but we need to make a big effort to live our lives in between those times.

And so, self-care priorities (yes, here we go again). I’m going to try to show up here every day for the next month or so – perhaps this will engage my brain in non-SML ways. I’m going to try to do something (even if very tiny) creative each day – also to stretch the brain a little. Bessie and I were taking photos for her side-hustle business today and I had a few brilliant (if I do say so myself) ideas for placement and felt super-energised afterward. And yoga. And running (like less than 2km – just to get the heart rate up).

That should get me started.

xxx

** with one exception which will thankfully be resolved next week

And the fourth library haul! Acquired over the weekend.

1. Village deception: Rebecca Shaw
(golly – this was awful! recommend avoiding!)
2. Phone: Will Self
3. Essex poison: Ian Sansom
4. The girls of slender means: Muriel Spark
5. The deaths: Mark Lawson
6. Don’t tell Eve: Airlie Lawson

I renewed the last lot a couple of times (and there are still a few unread) after being distracted by a bunch of kindle books – read the latest Liane Moriarty and then went through her backlist again.

I’ve done a LOT of repeat reading this year – I wonder what that’s about?

Conversations with new team member** …

Conversation 1

Me: oh, you cycle? cool! what do you ride?

New Team Member: you wouldn’t have heard of it.

xxx

Conversation 2

Me (on hearing his daughter had just finished university):
oh wow, that’s crazy! my youngest just completed a design degree too!

New Team Member: oh but mine did honours

Me: (ffs, is this what we’re doing now?):
gosh, what a coincidence! so did mine!

xxx

** older guy, previous long term role in senior management at small high-profile organisation, pivoting into different area, reporting to me. We had some reservations when recruiting, but decided to take a chance because of his experience and because he sold himself incredibly well.

Yet another lesson that if it is not a HELL YEAH, it’s a no.

Finally, finally a couple of weeks ago we had the two non-functional air-conditioners replaced!

As is always the way with any maintenance on ThePalace(OfLove) this was of course not entirely straightforward.

I can’t quite remember what the actual diagnosis was, but [whatever] meant that we needed replacement pipes? drains? … something like that.

This meant that the unit in our bedroom needed relocation and the installers had to cut into the walls to access the various bits they needed. Never mind that there is a perfectly functional services duct less than 50cm away – the original builders had ignored that and gone through the walls. Of course they had.

We’re now left with some rather interesting … ehancements … to our bedroom.

I saw the empty space now above the bed not as a diabolical mess potentially costing quite a lot to repair, but as an opportunity to acquire new artwork – and serendipidously we had a VIP pass to Sydney Contemporary for that very night.

Surely TheUniverse was telling me to buy art?!

Alas, despite best intentions (though fortunately for the bank balance) what the TheUniverse was actually telling me that we needed a pleasant night out and rather than buying art we should save our pennies for repairing those multiple holes in the walls and ceiling! At current rate of pace that should be some time in 2024.