a good weekend embraces purposelessness

I find it quite interesting (omoshiroi desu) that I’m mentally in almost exactly the same place I was at the same time last year. And almost exactly the same goals to hit pause on the self-help books, lose pesky 5-10 kilograms, get into regular exercise, limit internet use, stop buying *stuff* and repair, reuse, recycle, etc etc. In 2098 I achieved those with varying levels of success, though they obviously weren’t very sticky because they’re still on a list.

I don’t know if it’s a seasonal thing, a post-holiday thing or an SML thing, or if this is my life now, but I’m feeling pretty malaisey all over.

Hot flushes**, nicely developing cold sore, headaches, exhaustion (so tired!), fluid retention – ugh. Don attributes it to stress – he’s very probably right. There’s a lot going on right now.

Pah! I know and you know what will right this, don’t we? Exercise! Reading a good book! Hobbies! Thank TheUniverse that I’m finally in a place where I know these will fix me and can do something about it.

Let’s tackle these:

Exercise: I’ve found it rather challenging to get back to exercise this year. I do enjoy yoga very much, but I’m in no way passionate about yoga. I certainly don’t feel passionate enough this year to drag myself out of bed on Wednesdays and Fridays at 5:50am. Early January me was full of enthusiasm and signed up for the usual unlimited class pass for the 3 month term. Half way in and I think I’ve been to two classes (this makes for a horrifying cost per class). Will drag self along tomorrow.
We bought an exercise bike late last year, it currently has a slightly better cost per ride than yoga. I jumped on this morning and rode 10km.

Reading: I haven’t read a book since the glorious Pillow Book. I haven’t been to the library for quite some time either. I wonder if the weekend effect counts as self-improvement? It does look interesting.
In other reading I’ve been inspired by the excellent dame eleanor hull and have been reading archives from long defunct blogs – this is completely fascinating and a reminder of how very different blogging is now compared with those wild early days.

Hobbies: I dragged out the the endless embroidery and did a few more stitches. At this rate it will be completed by October 2032.
I have a lengthy off-cut of rather nice black fabric which I’ve been hoping to turn into a replica of the the awesome black dress I bought at the Xmas Design market last year. It’s a really great and very versatile dress. A replica would take, say 2 hours max to complete, so I’ve no idea why I’m procrastinating on it.
I am totally lying, I know exactly what is stopping me – that perfectionist thing. Completely ridiculous as I’d rate myself as a pretty competent sewist – I mean, look at this lining, it’s a triumph. Honestly, I don’t know what has happened to my confidence in a number of areas.

Bonus extra: I have a movie date with Don tomorrow night to see The Favourite at our favourite cinema.

I look back on the insanely productive carolbaby of a few years ago with some mystification – how on earth did I fit everything in? How wasn’t I tired all the time? I put this question to Don this evening and he suggested that I’m probably burned out. As is the way with Don, I think he’s pretty on the money with this.


** what even is this?! I haven’t had hot flushes for many months and thought it was all behind me. Clearly not! They resurfaced in Japan.
If you’ve ever wondered if menopausal symptoms occur after a hysterectomy I can absolutely and with certainty confirm that YOU CAN! Though I do have intact ovaries – TMI? – so your mileage may vary.

4 thoughts on “a good weekend embraces purposelessness

  1. omg, I know, I know but things change balance depending on what else is going on in your life. It’s ok but get outside and spend time in your neighbourhood and just breathe.

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