As it says on the tin, if you don’t care for reading about girly-parts and associated ickiness then FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY, do not read any further.

So if you’re following me on twitter, you’ll probably be aware that I have been quite unwell for the past few days.

And, if you’ve been reading this blog, you’re probably aware that I had my IUD removed and an then an ultrasound (you’ve all seen the pix) a few months ago for some horrible gynaecological issues which I refrained from horrifying you with at the time, but now, you get a glimpse into the unpleasantness (NOTE: THERE IS STILL TIME TO LOOK AWAY).

From the time my period started (when I was 10), I’d always had quite heavy periods, but I had kind of learned to live with the ickiness, pain and inconvenience.

However after I’d moved to a copper IUD for birth control, things got a whole lot heavier. I knew this was a known side effect, but hadn’t quite realised how much worse it would become, but I learned to live with it after a fashion, although arranging your life around your menstrual cycle is kind of suckful (ensuring that, for around 5 days each month, I was never not within sprinting distance from a bathroom, because I’d need to visit at least hourly, lest I have a horrible accident). Other than that, the IUD was utterly, wonderfully fantastic as a birth control method (because hormonal birth control really does not care for me at all).

Then we completely lost our minds and started considering having a baby. This meant I needed to have the IUD removed and went on the pill while the baby decision was being made. Both my GP and my gyno were pretty sure that this would reduce the heaviness.

Sadly, the reduction didn’t really happen.

Joan, in her wisdom, suggested I might have fibroids. Then around the same time I happened upon this ask metafilter thread and so very many of the descriptions in that thread sounded like those I suffered through that I mentioned my symptoms in extremely graphic detail (rather than my previous “my periods are quite heavy”) to my GP. He was all, “you probably have fibroids, let’s send you for an ultrasound”. Hence the snapshots!

And guess what? I do have fibroids. A fair few of them as it turns out.

We tried stronger birth control pill in an attempt to manage it (the nuclear option of ute-removal was raised, I absolutely do not wish to go there) and things, while still heavy, were definitely easing off, of course there was a downside: those horrid hormones – I was enfattened, I was listless, I was choc-full of malaise.

Late last week, I decided I just could not bear the side effects of the pill any longer and, having done my research (thanks INTERNET!) arranged to have a mirena inserted at the end of this week.

In the interim on Sunday evening, a week after my period finished, all hell broke loose. From nowhere I experienced the most heavy, horrible bleeding I have ever had (well except for that time 12 years ago when I almost bled to death after a biopsy and was in hospital doped-up on morphine for a week).

It was(is) ghastly. I had to visit the bathroom 1/2 hourly, I went through 2 packets (64) super tampons and 3 packets of maternity pads in 3 days. I had to leave work on Monday for fear of bleeding all over the furniture. Poor Don thought I was going to die. Indeed, for a while there I thought I was going to die. Once again ask metafilter to the rescue, where the horrific accounts in this thread, calmed us a little – kittens indeed.

On Tuesday, my GP said it was definitely from the fibroids and all I could really do was ride it out until I saw the Gyno on Thursday afternoon. GP said I could go on an even stronger pill (much more malaise and I would be comatose), he said they wouldn’t recommend hysterectomy because I was “much, much too young” I would need to be “around 40 for that to be a suggestion”. I was like “errrr dude, I’m 42, remember?” – frankly this was the only upside in a rather dismal two days.

So I’ve been sitting/laying about mostly confined to the bedchamber and have bled and bled and bled and become increasingly paler (albino is me) and weaker (so that I can barely breathe after climbing the stairs) and bled some more.

So I’m rather hoping that tomorrow afternoon will see my salvation.

In the interim, I’m guzzling iron tablets.

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