where the author stuffs up mightily (where mightily ≈ -0.1%)

If you’re following me on twitter, you will have seen mention that today I found two fuck-ups which I made recently.

Not good. I don’t cope well with making mistakes.

One of them will have had a small impact, but was nonetheless a little embarrassing.

The other, gah! Discovered this afternoon that I had inadvertantly removed 3 lines from a Top 3271 list and was basing analysis on a top 324. While it amounted to only a -0.1% difference in a couple of proportions in a report, it will be enough to beat myself up about for a good few weeks. Particularly as it was for various ImportantPeople within Marie Celeste and went to other ReallyVeryImportantPeople outside Marie Celeste. Now Dishy Boss and I have to go and confess my ghastly carelessness to aforesaid ImportantPeople within Marie Celeste tomorrow. Honestly, it makes me feel just sick. And want to stick my head in the oven. It is some consolation that the list was examined by some of the ImportantPeople within Marie Celeste and they didn’t pick up the omissions. Dishy Boss is significantly less stressed about it than I am2, so I suppose that should be consolation too.

Also, if you are following me on twitter you have probably seen mention that reading various people’s twitter streams (and other online activities) is really messing with my head. I’m obsessing and making unfavourable comparisons and generally thinking bad thoughts about myself (of course about myself! I don’t think many bad thoughts about others. Okay, that is a lie. But I only have obessive bad thoughts about myself). No, it is not you, gentle reader (because hey, we all know you have crap lives). These are not people I’m following on twitter, nor are they counted among my imaginary internet friends, rather they are people on the shadowy periphery of my Real Life.

Anyway, all that emo was for a point and that point is this … all this obsessing (and if I am honest with myself, I will say constant obsessing) has really made me un-focussed on the job at hand, I’m not really concentrating on what I am doing (I am either obsessing or reading stuff) and mistakes are made (and by golly, then I feel even worse about myself).

So, I daresay the universe is trying to tell me something and I need to stop the stalking reading and obsessing and focus – and learn to be a bit more happy with myself.

As an aside, aren’t a lot of people having mental health issues at the moment? At least in my world: the gamut from depression to fucked-up-batshitinsane. As my adored hb says – mercury must be in retrograde.

1Numbers changed to protect the innocent.

2I’m sure Dishy Boss will once again mention in my performance review that I am way too much of a perfectionist and I need to relax and stop putting so much pressure on myself and not be grief-striken for days when errors occur.

4 thoughts on “where the author stuffs up mightily (where mightily ≈ -0.1%)

  1. Dishy Boss sounds about right.

    Isn’t it weird how obsessive focus on one thing makes you drop the ball on others. NOT that you have dropped the ball. It’s obvious you haven’t.

    But, er, yeah, it IS Mercury Retrograde and some other astro cr*p going on right now. Truly. It’s all the astro.

    There ARE mental health issues everywhere. I should know. I’m one of ’em.

  2. Also, comparisons can be so destructive. Do NOT make them unless you know you can use them for constructive purposes.

    We’re all on different paths blah blah – but it’s TRUE.

  3. HB, my darling, I’ve said it before and I will say it again – you should totally get into therapy (and not as a patient).

    I was very chuffed with myself for not reading *those* twitter streams (blogs/flickr/tumblr) at all today. And I got a lot of non-distracted/focussed work done – which is a very *good* thing. So perhaps I did need that little shake up of error.

    I mentioned my cold turkey to Don, who responded, “When you said that you were obsessibg, I had no idea you were doing it daily”.

    You’d think he’d know by now that being the perfectionist I am, that when I obsess, I really obsess – we’re talking 1/2 hourly updates.

    I have beating myself up to an art.

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