I think alcohol must have some sort of preservative effect, because I now have a cold. I’ve not had a cold for an age, perhaps the wine was keeping the germs at bay.
Okay, perhaps not.
Today, I kept my germs to myself and had a sick day. All I can say is that it’s not really much fun having a sick day when you are actually sick (I prefer to use my sick leave to take the babies to the pool or to sneak out to lunch with Don).
I curled up on the couch and read a couple of books that Mom had left here after her reading-frenzied visit (she was here for 5 weeks and I estimate got through 5-10 books per week). Mom and I generally enjoy the same sort of crime genre stuff, so I figured I would plunge into the stash she kindly left for me.
I started with the authors I recognised and had read before – I’d didn’t mind the Sue Grafton and Patty Cornwell (although neither have anything on the fabulous Ms Marsh). So then it was onto the rest of the stash, most of whom I’d never even heard of, let alone read. First off was Nora Roberts and if, unlike me, you know of her, you’ll be rolling about laughing right about now … I was expecting something crimes-ish / mysterys-ish and the blurb did nothing to dissuade me, secret buried for hundred years in dilapidated mansion, ghosts etc etc. Except, well … here is a wee synopsis …
The protagonist (dishy, wealthy, sensitive, male former lawyer who had recently broken off his engagement and thought he could never really, truly love anyone1) purchased aforesaid dilapidated mansion with plans for restoration, met colourful, beautiful, untamed local chicky (who also, by amazing coincidence, thought she could never really, truly love anyone) and steamy romance ensued – all the while punctuated by the ghostly haunty happenings in dilapidated mansion. Thinking this was a crime novel, I kept, of course, waiting for the darstardly criminal racket that dishy protagonist and untamed local chicky would cleverly uncover (after which they might be kidnapped or held captive or other hijinks in that vein and cunningily free themselves etc etc).
Oh, how wrong I was.
You see, roughly 100 years before, the colourful, beautiful, untamed local maid (who, by another amazing coincidence, was an ancestor of colourful, beautiful, untamed local chicky) who married the very handsome and good son of the (now) dilapidated mansion, was raped and murdered by the very handsome and evil twin brother of the very handsome and good son of the (now) dilapidated mansion. Colourful, beautiful, untamed local maid’s body was disposed of by the evil mother (of very handsome good and evil sons) and very handsome and evil twin brother. Afterward, evil mother (of very handsome good and evil sons) and very handsome and evil twin brother cast about the rumour that colourful, beautiful, untamed maid had run off with some dude more of her own class that she’d allegedly been doing on the side (although of course she hadn’t – being faithful and virtuous and such) and very handsome and good son went on to kill himself by drowning in the local body of water.
Anyway, turns out that dishy, wealthy, sensitive, male former lawyer who had recently broken off his engagement and thought he could never really, truly love anyone was the reincarnation of the colourful, beautiful, untamed local maid. Yes, I did say reincarnation. Yes, I did say of the maid.
And of course, colourful, beautiful, untamed local chicky (not to be confused with her colourful, beautiful, untamed local maid ancestor – who, naturally, she looked exactly like) was the reincarnation of the very handsome and good son of (now) dilapidated mansion.
Of course they were!
Anyway, in a development was was really quite shocking, despite both being quite certain they could never love anyone, dishy, wealthy, sensitive, male former lawyer who had recently broken off his engagement and thought he could never really, truly love anyone and colourful, beautiful, untamed local chicky (who also, by amazing coincidence, thought she could never really, truly love anyone) fell in head over heels in love!
And then decided to get married!
Then amazingly the haunting stopped!
The End.
Yes, I had accidentally read a romance novel. I don’t know if they are all this batshitcrazy, but by golly, I can’t wait to get to the next one in the pile.
1this really should have given away the genre if I had been paying attention.
Oh good, good and evil twins! I often stare at mine and think, which is which … they’re not really verbal enough yet to tell me.
I have a headache just reading your explanation. I could never tackle the book.
Nothing like being sick — gives you the opportunity for so much transgression!eeepc’s are great…I never travel without mine.
Jano, The Simpsons tell me it is the twin on the left (or is it the right?).
HB – fear not, you can just wait for the movie!
Elsewhere, it will be a long, long wait until July/August – when I can finally retrieve my lovely wee new toy from Joe/Frank – unless I make him take the T23 to school (which would possibly be a bit mean). I want to go on hols, just so I can take it with me.