So, of course all of this assessment angst brought a whole lot of self examination with it.
And I have realised that when I attempt to force myself to do x by quitting y and z, I will take up a and b to avoid x, and when I quit a and b to focus on x, I’ll immediately concentrate on m and n and on through the alphabet until I force myself to do x in a last minute panic.
Hence the abandonment of running (though injury helped too) and blogging for a while there and the increase in reading silly murderers and baking batches of prudence’s great-grandmother’s banana cake in muffin form &etc. This redirection not only applies to assessments, but anything I think I might not do well at / will be judged on or am not 100% comfortable with – such as developing complex reports for the SML Board.
There, just just saved myself a couple of hundred $ in therapist bills! But of course, how do I apply this newly acquired knowledge? More thinking required.
Despite my best intentions, I didn’t phone it in or do the bare minimum (this letting go of the need for perfection is really very hard) for my last assessment and spent a very, very focussed day on Tuesday writing and writing and writing managing to get in in on time. Has all been marked (the markers being much more efficient than I) and results were good. That was by far the most difficult of the lot – last one due on 29th and then I will be DONE (thankfully).
I am sure everyone will be glad to hear the end of it!
Though in a moment of madness today, I briefly considered an Advanced Manageressing course, but I think I will save us all the grief and get back to running and painting ThePalace(OfLove) and a bit of attention to my mental health!