It truly is not ever going to get crazier than this.

A sixteen page religious tract! Multi-columned with teensy type!

Galaxy in Rebellion! Ellen G White (1827-1915)

The bullet points are not terribly clear in the above photo, so let me share them:

• Wrote 50 inspired books
• Perhaps history’s most
• prolific lady author
• Verified by 2000 visions
• All dramatically fulfilled
• Not 50 but 100% accuracy
• Wrote on healthful living
• on medicine, education
• All scientifically verified
• Written 125 years ago
• When science/medicine
• were mostly superstitions

I’ve been trying to wade my way through it, but it has an incredibly soporific effect and despite trying valiantly, I’ve not been able to make it past page 7. It’s been a couple of weeks now and I’m still not entirely sure what the intent is.

Initially there’s a heck of a lot of paraphrasing of the old testament, which Ellen claims as her visions. Then there’s a whole lot of paraphrasing of the new testament. And then we get to the (very long and not quite clear) pointy end of things:

“The people were entirely deceived. They were taught that the popes and priests were Christ’s representatives, when in fact they were the representatives of Satan; and when they bowed to them, they worshiped Satan.” Excellent!

There’s a bit of a recurring theme that Satan, through the agencies of his minions: the popes and priests, has tricked people in to celebrating the sabbath on the first day of the week and not the true sabbath and that this is A Very Bad Thing. And there’s a fair bit of DOOM and such.

There’s a bit about the reformation: Martin Luther and some dude called Melancthon. Peppered with more sabbath trickery. And lots of second coming prophesies which failed to materialise, but were really just god testing the failful. And more sabbath. And doom, lots of doom.

That actually makes the whole thing sound infinitely more exciting than it is. Mostly it is just plodding, turgid and crazy. Lots of crazy.

Today, despite being only half way in, I caved and visited wikipedia. The whole sabbath being celebrated on the wrong day became clear: 7th Day Adventists! I had no idea what they were about, but what with this whole incorrectly observed sabbath obsession and the “7th day” part of the name, of course! Who knew it was such a fringey, nutcase religion?

See the sort of quality material you’re missing out on if you have “no junk mail” stickers on your letterbox?

If there are any insomniacs out there, let me know and I will pass it on, it will cure you entirely.

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