you’re perfect, yes, it’s true, but without me you’re only you

I suspect I am having a wee (or not so wee) mid-life crisis1.

Whinging follows (you may want to turn away now):

I have very recently realised that, aside from my totally rocking relationship with Don and my rather marvellous kiddies, I have little to no life outside of work. Work is mostly what I think about and work is mostly what I talk about and, quite frankly, this really sucks. It is not like I have a very high-powered, interesting or fascinating job or even a job that I like overly much.

I am sure that I used to have interests and hobbies and topics of conversation that were not work-related and I am also sure that once upon a time I also had several friends that were not from work. I don’t know quite what has happened to get me into my current state, but I dearly want it to stop. This weekend have been making efforts to do so (because I am utterly sick of talking about it and myself for talking about it, so I can only imagine how poor Don and dfkan feel!) and actually it has been quite lovely and much more relaxing – although it definitely initially required a significant amount of effort to focus my attention elsewhere, and it is the weekend, so I am not actually exposed to the workplace (mileage may vary tomorrow).

I desperately want to be one of those people who walk out the door and don’t think (or talk/rant/brood) about a single godsdamn work-related topic until I walk in the door the next working day. I envy them rather a lot.

So I think the idea is to fill my life up with … things. Except that when I attempt to remember the things I enjoy, I come up blank.

And then there is the whole: my babies are growing up and I feel a bit lost, I have been a mother for longer than I haven’t and so I really don’t know what it is like to have, well, free time, to do things or what it is like to spend time on my own or to develop interests of my own.

I suspect I need to indulge in some serious navel-gazing in the weeks to come. I totally need to get on the 43 things train (following in the footsteps of the lovely Jane), once I actually work out what the things are.

1with thanks to Faith No More for the title lyrics

4 thoughts on “you’re perfect, yes, it’s true, but without me you’re only you

  1. It isn’t a mid-life crisis, and even if it is, it isn’t shameful or anything. You don’t SOUND like you have “little to no life outside work”, your life sounds very full and happy, but if that’s what you feel then it doesn’t really matter what others perceive.But do see that you’re doing what we all do: you’ve lumped all your problems into one big mixed-up ball. Try breaking this down into smaller pieces and tackling one thing at a time. Or even parts of one thing at a time.Do you still LIKE yourself? That’s important. Is some of this coming out of a comparison to other people – comparisons aren’t necessarily bad, they can give us a new perspective, new ideas: just as long as we remember we’re all different and intrinsically worthy, even if we don’t write concertos in our spare time before breakfast.And as you become accustomed to having more spare time, and you pursue the things you like to do, possibly find new interests etc etc, you’ll come to appreciate all this time, see it as your reward for rasing three lovely children.If you’re going to indulge in navel-gazing just make sure you enjoy it. Sometimes life feels cr*ppy and a good sulk and a bit of introspection can be very refreshing.Best wishes. xx

  2. Myself and Mrs Portly Geek recently suffered from this.Being aware is the first step.The second is making an effort to leave at the end of the day. We used to have a deal where we wouldn’t talk shop at home but now if we feel the need we limit it to 10 minutes at the most.And if you’ve got some hobbies give them a little love. If you get into the roundabout of work/sleep with nothing else in between you’ll start to feel hollow.Portly Geek

  3. But you do have hobbies… I’ve seen posts on knitting, cooking and gardening… not to mention appearing in commercials as an extra…Don’t they count? Perhaps because you’re not doing them with people outside family and work?So the solution…Hmmm well I’m a little biased but Bridge is a great game and you don’t have room in your brain to consider work when you’re at the table…Okay… not bridge then… but I’m sure when you think about it you can come up with a shortlist of things you’d like to try that will get you meeting new people, or re-meeting old friends.๐Ÿ™‚CBAnd if you do learn bridge let me know and we can partner up online. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Oh, I love you guys! You are each totally right. And hazelblackberry, if you aren’t moonlighting somewhere as a therapist, you totally should be hanging out your shingle – that was some very insightful and thought-provoking stuff. I do feel somewhat uninteresting, there is a large part of me that really wants to be one of those concerto before breakfast people. CB, bridge (although not specifically bridge – because the thought of that makes my brain hurt) is exactly the sort of thing I’m talking about. I want things in my life that are equally as interesting and unusual and intriguing (and obviously that I’ll enjoy). And APG, yes, you are my benchmark for too much work ๐Ÿ˜‰

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